Oregon Barbie….Rogue Valley Style


Grants Pass BarbieAbove you’ll find Grants Pass Barbie.

This recently paroled Grants Pass Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about. GP Barbie has goals and all of them find her working in a Nevada Brothel.

East Medford BarbieAnd here is East Medford Barbie.

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them. You can upsize her cup size which will reduce the amount of support payments you’ll make her by nearly 5% but she promises you’ll have boobie visitation rights every other weekend.

Eagle Point Barbie

Eagle Point Barbie

This white trash model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and Tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. You can find her on friday nights at the Eagle Point high school football games pretending she’s still hot shit.

Butte FallsButte Falls Barbie

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Sweet Home Barbie’s house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home. She doesn’t need a truck because she can get a ride to her meth dealer in Grants Pass for a simple BJ.

Ashland BarbieAshland Barbie

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Ashland Barbie’s and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free. While she is a strong proponent of womens’s rights you can expect to discover her contributing to a “I Hate Sarah Palin” Blog.

Rogue River BarbieRogue River Barbie

This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant dolls from two different races. Optional accessories include a GED and food stamps. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the second infant and the failed pregnancy test. She is capable of updating her facebook with her mobile and updated her relationship status to….complicated.

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